The Tears of Guinevere Pendragon
by monkey76
Summary: Word of Arthur still had not reached Camelot, but the Queen would not weep until she knew. It was not until the seventh night that the warlock returned and Camelot changed forever. Spoilers for 5x13.


**Hello everyone! It has been a while since I posted, and I know I promised more stories in my "Fighting Fate" series. I swear those are coming soon, but I am still fleshing out details of some parts and don't want to post something if I end up changing those details. I stick with my original announcement to expect them this fall.**

**In the meantime, this story had been nagging at me, because I really wanted a scene that filled in the gap between the final scenes of "Diamond of the Day." Major spoilers ahead if you have not seen the last episode. Also, major angst. Sorry about that.  
**

**Please read and review!**

* * *

The Queen had hardly slept since Camlann, when her husband had been gravely wounded and whisked away on a journey by Merlin with the hope of saving his life.

Gaius had told her that two days was all her beloved Arthur had left before even the oldest magic could no longer help him. Those two days had come and gone, with them several more, and still, no word of Arthur had reached Camelot.

On the third night since she'd last seen Arthur, Guinevere had lain in the bed she shared with her King and stared at the canopy above long after her maidservant had bid her goodnight and snuffed out the light of her candles. In the darkest hour of the night, a great sense of emptiness had overwhelmed her. And she knew.

Her heart beat rapidly and her soul longed for her husband's. But she did not weep. She would not weep until proof more than her aching heart confirmed it.

When word did not come the next day, the Queen remained stoic and firm. Then Percival arrived that afternoon with Gwaine's body and news of Morgana chasing after Merlin and the King. The Queen ordered a funeral pyre built for the departed knight and sent a group of knights out to retrieve her husband.

Still, she did not weep.

Each day that passed with no sign of Arthur or Merlin, Guinevere's worry grew. Not just for her husband, but for her best friend who was also missing. She feared that Morgana had bested them both and that she may never see either again. Or worse, that she would never know their fates at all.

On the sixth day, her knights had returned with Morgana's head. Sir Erec, leader of the search party, said that they had found the witch dead from a sword wound through her midsection. They had burned the body and brought the head back as proof of Morgana's demise. The Queen refused to see the evidence and ordered the head buried.

The sun was setting on the seventh day when Leon approached her throne with a grave expression. "He is waiting in your chambers, your Majesty. He insisted on being brought directly there to see you."

She did not need to ask to know that "he" was not the king.

Slowly, the Queen rose, her jaw tense and her chin high. Leon and Percival followed close behind her as she made her way to the royal chambers. The door was slightly ajar, and a voice was speaking within, the soft, soothing tone having the opposite effect on Guinevere.

She took a deep breath to ground herself as she entered the room. The curtains had been drawn shut partially, leaving the room dim and casting shadows about. It was Gaius speaking a steady flow of words without waiting for any response. He sat in a chair beside the bed, facing a figure who sat on the end, mostly obscured (save a glimpse of a familiar brown jacket) by the bedpost. Beside Gaius, another chair held a water basin, from which the old physician was wetting a cloth and gently washing the hands of the person before him.

Guinevere waited just inside the doorway for Gaius to take notice of her arrival. He continued to speak in that same soothing manner. "I wish you would talk to me, my boy. He would not have wanted you to despair so. I know, as he must have, that you tried your best. You always did the best that you could for him. I am sure that be knows that."

Guinevere sucked in a sharp breath, causing the old man to look up. His eyes were sad and pitying as he stood. He set the cloth aside and used his companion's hands to guide the man to stand.

For the first time since coming the the room, Guinevere could see Merlin. His shoulders slouched forward in the same dejected way they had been when last she had seen him — just after he had informed Arthur of his absence at Camlann. He was covered in a considerable amount more dirt and grime now, from what she saw of his profile. He would not bring his gaze up from the ground.

Gaius set his hands and Merlin's shoulders and moved his face into the warlock's line of sight. "Your favorite meal is still waiting." Then he approached Guinevere and squeezed her hand briefly before moving past her.

"Please leave us," the Queen told the knights. She waited until she heard the doors shut behind her before stepping further into the room. "Merlin."

Her friend hesitated then met her eyes. Her stomach clenched at the emptiness in the blue eyes staring at her from across the room.

"Arthur?" she whispered.

Merlin's gaze fell to the floor again, and Guinevere understood. "Oh... oh, _no_, Merlin," she cried.

Her hand flew to her mouth and she collapsed to her knees. A moment later, Merlin was on his knees before her and his arms wrapped tightly around her.

Finally, she wept, and he held her. His fingers gently brushed through her hair and he uttered wordless shushing sounds. For the first time since she had known him, though, Merlin's presence held very little comfort.

It felt like hours that she cried on the floor before Merlin led her to lie on the bed. He took up Gaius's seat in the wooden chair at the bedside and silently held her hand. Flames lit the candles around the room, but Guinevere felt no need to comment on the flash of gold in Merlin's eye.

She did not sleep that night and tears streamed down her face until the first light of day came through the opening left in the curtains.

Soon after, Leon came to the chambers and informed them that arrangements had been made to announce the king's fate that afternoon. Arthur had left the Royal Seal in Gaius's keeping for the Queen, and they would have to crown her as sole sovereign of the kingdom.

Guinevere stood and dried her face before thanking Leon for making the arrangements for her. When she asked him to send her maidservant in to prepare her for the ceremony, Leon bowed his head in deference and left.

Guinevere drew the curtains and blew out the few candles that had not burnt themselves out in the night. Anna came a bit later with breakfast for both Guinevere and Merlin. She kept her head low as she set the food on the table.

"Thank you, Anna," Guinevere said kindly, "but I don't know that either of us is very hungry right now." She looked at her friend, who remained in bedside chair. In the daylight, she could see the dark shadows under his eyes and his unhealthy pallor. She imagined that he had not properly slept or eaten in some time. "Though, perhaps Merlin should try to eat some."

Merlin did not respond or make a move toward the food, and Guinevere sighed.

"My Lady," Anna said softly, looking up at the Queen uncertainly. "Is it true? Is the king... ?"

Guinevere lifted her chin a bit and swallowed back tears. "Yes, Anna, it is true."

"Oh!" Anna gasped as her eyes welled with tears.

"Anna, don't." Guinevere strode toward her and gripped the young maiden's forearms. "Please save your tears."

Anna shook her head and looked down at the floor. Wet trails ran down her face as she shook in the Queen's grasp. "My Lady, I am so sorry."

"Anna, we must be strong."

"But the King—"

"Would want it so," Guinevere urged. She waited for the girl to meet her eyes before offering her a small, watery smile. "We have hard times ahead, and we must remain strong to get through it. The people of Camelot need me to do that for them. Can you do it for me, my friend?"

Anna wiped her tears and nodded jerkily.

"Thank you," Guinevere said softly. "Now, please help me prepare for the announcement?"

While Anna slowly readied the Queen, Merlin remained as stoic as he had through the night, saying nothing and shedding no tears. Guinevere wondered if it was for her sake he was acting so or if he simply had no tears left. He meticulously folded a few of Arthur's tunics and went about rearranging his boots beside the wardrobe — for the last time, she realized. When there was nothing else to keep his idle hands busy, he resorted to lingering by the window and staring down into the courtyard.

When Anna had finished her hair, Guinevere stared into the mirror. She hardly recognized the woman she saw in the reflection. After all, who was this Queen Guinevere whose King — her husband, soulmate and friend — was dead?

"It's time, My Lady," Anna murmured.

"Of course. You may go, Anna." Guinevere rose and watched her maidservant leave as she worked up the courage to follow. She wasn't sure she was prepared to leave the safety of her chambers and become Arthur's widow. At least in here, she did not have to face an entire kingdom. Here, it was only she and Merlin, the two people who loved Arthur — the man, not merely the king — most in the world.

"I never wanted to be Camelot's Queen," she said suddenly.

Merlin finally looked away from the window and met her eye. His own were glistening with unshed tears.

"I only ever wanted to be _Arthur's_," she continued. "That's all that mattered to me. I love Camelot as well... But ruler of the kingdom? I never wanted that. Of course, everything must change without Arthur, mustn't it?" She closed smoothed her skirts our with shaking hands in an effort to steady them. "He was a great king and a fair ruler. He truly loved the people of this kingdom."

"You'll be a great queen, Gwen," Merlin said. "You already are, and you will serve his memory well. Arthur knew that."

Guinevere nodded and walked to the door. "And if he would entrust his subjects to my care, then I will do my best to honor them as I would him. I am afraid, but I feel a great sense of purpose in the task ahead." She turned back to her solemn friend. "What will you do now?"

"I will wait," he said simply.

Guinevere stared, wondering if he might elaborate but afraid to ask what for. When no explanation was forthcoming, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Gwen," he called before she could make it through the chamber doors.

She turned to look at him again and felt a nervous flutter in her chest at the lost look in his eye. "Yes?"

"You will be Camelot's greatest queen," he said confidently.

Guinevere realized that Merlin was not following her to her coronation and, again, she did not want to leave. But Leon was walking towards her down the corridor, clearly intent on escorting her to the ceremony.

"Will I ever see you again, Merlin?" She said softly.

Merlin did not respond. His fists tightened at his sides and he averted his gaze.

"Your Highness?" Leon beckoned.

With a final glance at Merlin, Guinevere nodded her head and withheld her tears. She took Leon's offered arm and allowed herself to be led away. Ever so faintly, she heard Merlin's voice bid her goodbye just as she reached the doors of the throne room. She wiped at her eyes and composed herself before she faced a changed Camelot.


End file.
